Sexual assault not only affects the survivor, but everyone around them. As a loved one, you may not always know how to provide the right type of support when it is needed most, and that is okay. Supporting someone after they have been sexually assaulted is a selfless act of kindness. You may not be able to erase their pain, but you can be a vital source of comfort as they heal.
If a friend or family member has been assaulted, here are some tips on how you can help:
1. Listen - It takes a lot of courage for a survivor to open up and share what they have experienced. Thank them for trusting you enough to share their story and assure them that they can trust you to keep it confidential, unless they ask otherwise. While they share their story, don't try to change the subject to something less painful or act uncomfortable (if possible).
2. Believe and Validate - Many survivors feel a sense of guilt, shame, or have fears of not being believed. You can help ease those feelings by reminding them that sexual assault survivors are never at fault. Simply saying "I believe you, and I'm sorry this happened to you" can help them feel validated.
3. Ask How You Can Help - Making a survivor feel heard and validating their feelings can bring them a sense of relief, but they may still be dealing with emotions they are not ready to face. Gently ask them how you can help them. It is okay to make suggestions on steps to take, but it is important to respect their decisions. The healing process and time frame is different for everyone. Being forceful with them may cause them to withdraw or shutdown completely.
4. Offer Resources - Sexual assault is motivated by power and control. One of the best ways to help empower a survivor is to encourage them to make informed decisions regarding their care and treatment. It is okay to offer resources, like the UCRCC, but respect the way they accept them. If the survivor feels that they are ready to do so, remind them that you are there to support them while they take this next step.
5. Practice Self Care - While you may not have been the victim of the assault, providing support to your loved one can take a powerful toll. Hearing the details of their story may leave you feeling drained and like you can't really handle much else. Take time off to do things that make you feel good; take a walk, read a book, watch your favorite t.v. show, etc. It is equally important for you to care for your own mental and emotional well being.
For additional information, click HERE for the Friends and Family Toolkit for supporting a loved one after sexual violence provided by RAINN.